Understanding Transgenderism- Denise Schick

[00:00:00] now here’s your host Kevin Conover bring your time welcome to educate for life

[00:00:07] I’m your host Kevin Conover my website is join dot educate for life dot o-r-g and it’s 40 online classes defending the

[00:00:15] truth of the Bible if you’re interested in that sort of thing if you want to really be able to answer the hard questions about God in the Bible you can

[00:00:22] check out my website again that’s Jo I n dot educate for life dot o RG and on

[00:00:29] September 26 coming up right here right around the corner I’m TP teaming up with apni hope we’re gonna host a debate

[00:00:35] between Dan Barker he’s the president of the Freedom From Religion Foundation he’s an atheist pretty well known

[00:00:41] atheist and dr. Andy McIntosh who’s flying all the way from England to

[00:00:46] debate does atheism make sense of reality so it should be very interesting

[00:00:51] it’s at San Diego State University here in San Diego that’s a Tuesday evening and I’m actually moderating the debate

[00:00:58] so I will be telling people when they have to stop talking and I promise to be

[00:01:03] fair so it’s gonna be a great debate I hope you can make it out should be a lot of fun my guest today is Denise Schick

[00:01:11] and she is with help for families ministries this is actually a ministry that she is the founder of she’s the

[00:01:17] executive director help for families calm the number for help for families calm is her website she’s the author of

[00:01:25] my daddy’s secret when hope seems lost understanding gender confusion which is

[00:01:30] a faith-based perspective as well as other publications she’s the founder of the ministry and her goal is to

[00:01:36] compassionately reach out to family members and bring understanding of the emotional and spiritual issues that

[00:01:43] families face when a loved one is gender confused and that’s what we’re talking about today we’re gonna be talking about

[00:01:48] gender issues is all over the news and you see it in athletics a lot we’re

[00:01:53] seeing the NCAA is relaxing standards that deal with when somebody who has

[00:01:59] been transgendered can join the athletic team that is the opposite you know

[00:02:06] women’s tee like a man who transgenders to a woman joins a women’s team

[00:02:12] and these sorts of things it’s all over the news and there’s a lot of controversy over that but we’re gonna be talking about these issues today she has

[00:02:19] a led a church based support group for people with sexual addictions she served as administrator of family reddit

[00:02:25] related issues with transgender fellowship she served as a program aide for an alcohol and substance abuse

[00:02:30] clinic and also served seven years with a Christian pregnancy center as an administrative assistant counselor and

[00:02:38] implementing an abstinence program as the program director she’s also an ordained minister holds an AAS degree in

[00:02:43] psychology and a BS and community and human services Denise thanks for being on the show today thank you so much for

[00:02:49] having me Kevin yeah it’s a real privilege and you have insight into this issue because of the life you’ve led and

[00:02:57] you’ve come out on the other side of that and now are reaching out to others to encourage them and help them through

[00:03:02] these difficult issues that’s right that’s correct so for our listeners why don’t we go all the way back to the

[00:03:08] beginning and just share why this issue why you have such a heart for this issue and what you went through as a child

[00:03:15] sure growing up in the environment that

[00:03:20] I had my father just wasn’t a real loving you know dottie dad I didn’t think much of it just thought that he

[00:03:26] that was the way that he grew up and that that’s the way he was but at nine years old my father had taken me outside

[00:03:33] to sit with him and even that to say you know can you come out and sit with me

[00:03:38] first of all for my dad to ask that and you’re like what’s what’s this all about and his first words out of his mouth

[00:03:45] were to me as he looked directly into my eyes as I want to become a woman Wow and you’re nine years old I’m nine

[00:03:52] years old oh my goodness and I was trying to to process that I mean first of all that came out of nowhere

[00:03:59] and I wasn’t sure how what this really meant you know and as fast as I’m trying

[00:04:05] to process this he starts to reveal other details of his life and secrets of

[00:04:10] sorts to me and so as a child I’m thinking understanding that I’m just a child and trying to figure out why is he

[00:04:17] telling me all of this yeah you’re a child he’s an adult and yet he just was revealing all of this stuff that really

[00:04:24] no child should hear so by the time that conversation finished i am i naiveness thought that’s

[00:04:32] dad and I’m over here I’m separate you know this isn’t going to impact me because

[00:04:37] we’re two different people yeah but obviously I found out shortly after that that’s not the fact because I

[00:04:43] immediately started to grieve the loss of a father understanding that dad didn’t want to be my dad that he wanted

[00:04:50] to become a woman that I didn’t know and trying to to again just say how do you

[00:04:56] say goodbye to your father in that instance as well as I discovered as I

[00:05:02] started to mature very young like at eleven years old where my father became

[00:05:07] very envious of me and that was because my body I started to develop into a woman Wow which is what he wanted so

[00:05:15] desperately now what was going on with your mom at the time my mom worked afternoons and so she I never told her

[00:05:23] my dad had told me this but in my mind I’m thinking if I chose you didn’t tell your mom he’d he told my mom back when

[00:05:30] they got married that it was something he struggled with oh wow but she had no idea you know of of everything of his

[00:05:40] activities now dude years was there a religious background there at the time I

[00:05:45] was raised Catholic okay and so having that understanding the foundation of God the fear of God the love of God and

[00:05:52] that’s really what I had clung to yeah I had to cling to something to somebody

[00:05:59] that was all that I had knowing thinking if I tell mom this is gonna make her sick or this is gonna hurt her awfully

[00:06:05] if she knows what my dad had just told me and because some of the things that he had shared also detailed their

[00:06:12] relationship oh and some of the things now did he share this with you because he needed somebody to to be able to air

[00:06:19] this out kind of or what was going on there I really don’t know okay that would be you know one inclination of why

[00:06:27] that had occurred I’m not really sure Kevin okay why he thought – did you have brothers and sisters that were also

[00:06:33] involved or I have I’m the oldest of five okay and so

[00:06:38] one of the other issues that I struggled with was trying to protect them because obviously you know I didn’t want my

[00:06:45] brother’s to thank me and Mail that if their dad is struggling with this that this is something oh you know maybe I’m

[00:06:51] really not a boy and so even understanding that that young age the confusion yeah that this

[00:06:57] could be and you were already thinking that through this I was already you know thinking that through so my job of the

[00:07:04] oldest was to protect them protect mom and protect my younger siblings for a lot of responsibility for a

[00:07:10] nine-year-old kid yeah yeah so as that moves forward what what what happens

[00:07:16] next and how does this affect long-term and you know I guess for our listeners especially somebody who knows somebody

[00:07:23] who’s struggling with these sorts of issues it’s become so prevalent in our culture as you navigate forward and

[00:07:32] they’re listening I guess also of course the question is going to come up is hey what do I do if I’m in that kind of a

[00:07:37] situation and what did you go through that you’ve learned from and looked into

[00:07:43] and now you go okay hey if if somebody’s in this situation these are the things that need to be done differently yeah it

[00:07:50] there there’s so many things that need to be done on on who’s the family member yeah how’s this impacting because it’s

[00:07:56] not just the parents and it’s you know it’s the spouses yeah this and with children there’s so many different

[00:08:04] layers that this can affect them impact their lives like for instance thinking that my dad

[00:08:10] believes this by the time I was 13 I thought how do you know you’re really not a girl Denise and so then I started

[00:08:17] with the gender confusion in the way of acting out in my bedroom so so what are you so used you were wondering if you

[00:08:23] were a girl yes because I thought if God really made a mistake with dad how do you know he didn’t make a mistake with you oh wow

[00:08:30] that’s amazing so we’re gonna be coming up on a break here pretty soon but that

[00:08:36] there’s so many different ways different things to talk about here and what so

[00:08:41] what time frame was this when this was happening with your dad because today this is people openly talk about these

[00:08:47] issues but probably when you were growing up this was not something that people discussed that often you didn’t even have the resources

[00:08:53] necessary to to get help and support and encouragement right right yes this would have been the mid 70s

[00:08:59] okay and so he’s making these decisions and now was he moving into what were

[00:09:08] their surgical changers that he was or was this just more he wasn’t actually

[00:09:14] having surgery he was just saying was he starting to dress like a woman and the sort of thing this is where it gets really complicated

[00:09:20] my father had remained in the house nobody knowing you know again what he had disclosed to me yeah

[00:09:27] and it was through many more layers of things that happened in the home and with him and I and and how this had

[00:09:32] played out that I was 28 by the time he had left my mother of 35 years of

[00:09:37] marriage to become and pursue Becky hmm to be to be a woman to be a woman okay

[00:09:43] so my guest today is Denise Schick her website is help for families dot-com that’s helped the number for families

[00:09:51] calm these issues have become so prevalent as our society has become more and more accepting people identifying as

[00:09:58] the opposite sex and the issue of homosexuality and so if you need help it pays to talk to somebody who’s

[00:10:05] traveled these roads before and it’s not something you should be afraid of getting help for so just reach out on

[00:10:12] her website and we’re gonna continue this discussion while we come back hi this is jason hall president of team

[00:10:20] home loans a branch of synergy one lending i just wanted to take this opportunity to think Kevin Kahn over for

[00:10:26] the profound impact he’s had on mine and my wife’s spiritual life as well as being an incredible teacher while our

[00:10:31] kids were his students his knowledge and passion have taught us all how important it is to be defenders of our faith it’s

[00:10:37] our honor and privilege to support Kevin and his show is our sincere hope and prayer that you will continue to learn

[00:10:43] to be defenders of your faith through Kevin’s radio show and through his educate for life teachings thank you

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[00:12:30] thanks for listening today this is educate for life I’m your host Kevin Conover my website is join dot educate

[00:12:36] for life dot o RG and I also have this these shows on YouTube you can check

[00:12:41] them out on YouTube we’ve got all kinds of shows with interviews of amazing people and you can also podcast the show

[00:12:49] through iTunes or some other resource and my guest today is Denise Schick and

[00:12:56] we’re having a very interesting discussion about gender identity her father wanted to identify as a woman and

[00:13:04] my hope through this interview is that if you know people that are struggling

[00:13:09] with these things that you it will give you some insight in order to be able to reach out in a compassionate and godly

[00:13:15] way to them as well as also cause you to pray for these kind of situations

[00:13:20] because we see this in the news a lot I think just recently a transgender wrestler won the women’s competition

[00:13:27] because he was so much stronger than the women that he was wrestling against and

[00:13:32] we see these things again and again and sometimes our immediate reaction can be one of anger or hostility and yet Christ

[00:13:40] is calling us to love people and we have to we have to look at people like Christ looked at the people that were beating

[00:13:47] him on the cross that had killed him and crucified him and he said Father forgive them they don’t know what they do and I

[00:13:52] think a lot of people are stuck in ignorance they don’t know what to do so Denise if we could pick up where we left

[00:13:57] off with your testimony and so you’re 9 years old your father has told you he

[00:14:03] wants to be a woman he’s revealing all these secrets to you that that really should not be revealed to a 9 year old

[00:14:09] so what happened next as you move on into your high school years and then on to college how did this continue to

[00:14:16] affect your life and how did you continue to respond well by the time I go through the different steps of my

[00:14:22] life as I had said Gina by 12 13 I’m wondering who I am into 7th grade I

[00:14:27] needed something to help me to deal with the pain just so much turmoil and pain inside yeah

[00:14:33] but I ran to alcohol and I thought you know something to help numb to do medicate looking for some way to mask

[00:14:40] what was happening by eighth grade I became so depressed that I thought

[00:14:48] about suicide and it wasn’t just thought I knew what method I would use but to be very honest it was God in his timing and

[00:14:55] stopping me from that because it was listening to a show that many of us might remember older with the Phil

[00:15:00] Donahue oh and so there were there was that specific show and then another one where they started to talk about teen

[00:15:07] suicide and the thing that feared me Kevin from actually trying to commit the act was discovering on these shows that

[00:15:14] these teenagers tried to do it but they weren’t successful instead they laid in a coma and another one was paralyzed and

[00:15:20] so in my mind it would have been worse to be paralyzed or in a coma in here in my dad’s voice or knowing all of this

[00:15:27] where I wouldn’t escape it yeah so it was the fear of not being successful so that stopped me um shortly by the end of

[00:15:36] eighth grade I thought well drugs you know the alcohol wasn’t Nominet anymore any longer and again with God in his

[00:15:44] timing he brought a young man into my life that was a Christian and this Christian young boy he wanted to get to

[00:15:50] know me and there was some value in our relationship and things that was moving me away from the consideration of drugs

[00:15:56] yeah and so it was through that where he this individual mark had given me my

[00:16:02] first Bible he went and bought me a Bible and you know I found out how hungry I was for what was in that Bible

[00:16:08] I couldn’t read it enough I would go home after school I take it to study hall on the bus I didn’t realize the

[00:16:14] hunger that I had yeah I didn’t know personally about Jesus Christ being my Lord and Savior I didn’t know that

[00:16:20] personal relationship and yet I also was hungry to know truth yeah and the truths

[00:16:25] in the situation that I was facing so that’s such a powerful statement too because a lot of times we’re afraid to

[00:16:31] reach out you know we’re thinking that people are going to reject us and often

[00:16:37] you know people have thirsty souls they’re either they’re dying for the hope of Christ because they need help

[00:16:43] they’re drowning in the mess that is our culture trying to find satisfaction in

[00:16:50] in sexuality and so forth rather than in in God right

[00:16:55] even though I had that faith in God being raised Catholic I not having that relationship and so you know it was

[00:17:01] looking to God and really hanging on to him to still nobody because this young man who’s now my husband mark he didn’t

[00:17:07] realize you know what was happening it was a little over a year a date and I mean he finally said why are you like

[00:17:13] this with your father why do you not talk with him why are you so cold yeah and so that processing of Revelation on

[00:17:20] his part and to watch mark go from being five minutes from our home to everything

[00:17:27] I disclosed to him to walk into our door and still talk to my dad like he always

[00:17:32] talked to him which drew a curiosity because I’m I’m the judgmental one here I’m thinking why are you doing that I

[00:17:38] just told you you know and the pain and what he’s done and and I watched him and

[00:17:45] I continued to watch mark and so it was that curiosity but he was just being Jesus with skin on because he didn’t he

[00:17:51] wasn’t rejected that’s my dad and that relationship they had where he continued that so that was the beginning for me of

[00:17:57] watching how how to walk this out you know down the road while I married mark

[00:18:03] at 18 and the probably the most painful thing you know is on your wedding day

[00:18:10] as I walked up to meet my dad put my arm ins inside of his before I walked up the

[00:18:15] aisle and he turned and he looked at me and he said I wish it were me in that gown that’s unbelievable and I just I

[00:18:21] was just screaming inside no and I’m saying to God help get me through it help me get up through that aisle help

[00:18:28] me to put a smile on my face because you’ve got everybody in that church and how are you going to to fool everybody

[00:18:34] when inside you’re just breaking so it was ten years after my wedding when my

[00:18:40] father had left my my mother and in pursued becoming a woman now so as you

[00:18:46] it’s that just a dramatic impact upon your life and everything and you’re you know this what your ministry does

[00:18:52] looking back now do you understand why your dad was the way he was did you

[00:18:58] reflect on his upbringing and the things that happened on his life do you have resolution there what yes because even

[00:19:05] at nine years old he had told me that he was sexually molested um and I knew that my grandmother was an

[00:19:10] alcoholic I knew that he perceived my grandfather not really loving him he

[00:19:16] didn’t have he didn’t connect with my grandfather so there was a distant relationship so but when he had revealed

[00:19:23] to me that he’d been molested and then of course in my mind I’m putting together what I already knew I’m thinking and he doesn’t realize this he

[00:19:31] doesn’t see that this is these are real wounds yeah of the heart yeah so was

[00:19:36] this at back in that time when he was going through this was this knowledge available was there information about

[00:19:42] that sort of thing and the impact that sexual molestation had on has on people and so forth if there was being that I

[00:19:48] was so young I wouldn’t yeah I’ve known what research was out there yeah and

[00:19:53] somebody that was sexually molested yeah now from your understanding was this

[00:19:59] issue as prevalent back then as it is today but it was just hidden or would

[00:20:05] you say that it’s becoming more widespread in our culture because

[00:20:11] there’s more abuse more sexual promiscuity more of these sorts of things do it becoming more prevalent I

[00:20:18] definitely think that it is and I think that it has to do with our culture with the change obviously with those that

[00:20:24] have been sexually molested or the the detachment from the same-sex parent and

[00:20:29] so many different components that go into that but as well you know with the acceptance our peers are when we look at

[00:20:37] the young peers the young people today yeah and they live in a world that oh you identify as being transgender

[00:20:44] great I’m so glad be true to yourself yeah you know they’re hearing all these negative messages as far as their

[00:20:52] identity and who they really are and you know I really really true to yourself yes I I blame the culture and the fast

[00:21:00] train that we’re on that this encourages individuals that that have other struggles but they’re looking for a

[00:21:06] place to belong they’re looking for an identity yeah and so they take this label I really want to kind of come back

[00:21:13] to that when we come back from our break but because you are saying that the idea be true to yourself you’re actually

[00:21:20] saying that that this is this is harmful message yes and yet our culture is promoting this as hey this is the

[00:21:27] best thing for you so that’s very interesting so as Christians this is

[00:21:32] something we have to wrestle with is okay so how do I be like Mark in the way he treated your father but at the same

[00:21:38] time not condone the behavior or say I accept this behavior where it’s a good thing but at the same time continue to

[00:21:44] reach out to people that’s such an important balance that we have to keep is that a big part of the focus of your ministry is helping you know it’s

[00:21:52] helping people to realize first of all is as loved ones as family members we don’t stop loving our loved ones yeah

[00:21:58] because they identify as being transgender and that’s a false message it’s out there is that if your family

[00:22:04] doesn’t accept you if they don’t accept this identity then they’re against you and that is so far from the truth yeah

[00:22:11] so far from the truth okay great so we’re gonna we still have three more segments if you’re listening I hope

[00:22:16] you’ll stay with us my guest today is Denise Schick she’s here in San Diego and she’s gonna be speaking at a

[00:22:22] conference and her website is help for families dot-com help for families calm we’re gonna be right back

[00:22:29] I will bring my heart did you know that

[00:22:35] Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow was home-schooled along with all four of his siblings by his mom Pam Tebow you’re

[00:22:42] invited to hear Pam share how to successfully educate your children with a biblical worldview at San Diego

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[00:22:55] children don’t miss the educate for life homeschool conference Friday and Saturday June 8th and 9th presented by

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[00:23:19] learn more become an exhibitor or register online now at register educate

[00:23:25] for life calm that’s register educate for life calm hi this is Jason hall

[00:23:31] president of team home loans a branch of synergy one lending I just want to take this opportunity to thank Kevin Conover

[00:23:38] for the profound impact he’s had on mine and my wife’s spiritual life as well as being an incredible teacher while our

[00:23:44] kids were his students his knowledge and passion have taught us all how important it is to be defenders of our faith it’s

[00:23:49] our honor and privilege to support Kevin and his show is our sincere hope and prayer that you will continue to learn

[00:23:55] to be defenders of your faith through Kevin’s radio show and through his educate for life teachings thank you

[00:24:01] Kevin from the hall family and team home loans this is throughout all ages

[00:24:06] ministry with Joe and Stacey he would like to equip you to share the gospel with confident in a biblical and

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[00:24:18] you said known to you so that you are without excuse one-on-one evangelism how do you

[00:24:24] think you can get to heaven I’ve never really talked about it but I’ve always thought of you know doing good morning formation go throughout all ages calm

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[00:25:05] thanks for tuning in to educate for life I’m your host Kevin Conover my websites join educate for life org Jo I indicate

[00:25:12] for life.org you’ll notice if you’ve been listening to my show that I changed the website it was educate for life org and I

[00:25:19] actually still have that website but we’ve started an online school it’s 40

[00:25:24] online classes defending the truth of the Bible and we go through four semesters so ten classes per semester

[00:25:30] for a total of forty classes take it over ten weeks one video per week and it’s all online so I hope you’ll take

[00:25:37] the time to check it out the first class is free and it’s fantastic for homeschool families or Bible studies or

[00:25:44] independent study whatever the case and we do cover some of the issues that that

[00:25:49] our culture is wrestling with in regards to homosexuality why is the Bible opposed to homosexuality what’s going on

[00:25:55] there what about these gender issues and what’s wrong with a person deciding hey I want to identify as the opposite sex

[00:26:02] why why should we make a big deal out of that and so my guest today Denise Schick worked we’re having this discussion her

[00:26:08] father was transgender and wanted to be a woman desperately and so Denise

[00:26:15] picking up where we left off he you said that he was sexually molested and this

[00:26:21] was part of what precipitated this so how does that work is this standard or

[00:26:28] is this I know that sexual molestation plays a role in confusing people about

[00:26:34] gender and their sexuality can you explain that a little bit for our listeners why is that such a damaging

[00:26:41] thing yeah well I think like for instance if we talk about a female to male transgender you know why would a

[00:26:48] female struggle in this way or want to be a man yeah right so often the female

[00:26:54] will struggle with her identity because she has either seen witnessed or been a

[00:27:01] part of abuse and for instance a situation where this her mother and dad

[00:27:07] you know would fight physically fight and the father had knocked the wife down the stairs while this little girl was

[00:27:13] witnessing all this type of abuse and for this girl it was personal vowel I don’t want to be like

[00:27:20] mom because she’s weak so it’s the way that the filtering system the way that

[00:27:25] we filter that we internally filter situations or circumstances and so to to

[00:27:30] become a man she felt that she would have more pout she would have the power mm-hmm to hurt others and not allow herself to

[00:27:37] be hurt yeah so we have to take a look at listen you listen to the words you

[00:27:43] know and the situations that these folks come from because there’s a lot of pain yeah

[00:27:48] rape another reason why females will tend to to lean towards this way be bent

[00:27:54] towards this way is because again it’s it’s the power they see man is the power role and women is a victim have you um

[00:28:01] have you worked with a lot of families through this how many how long have you been working with families in this we’ve

[00:28:07] been doing this for 13 years oh wow so you’ve seen tons of families go through this so you’re very familiar with the

[00:28:13] patterns that are happening so you would you would say that uh this is happening

[00:28:18] because of the breakdown of the family to a large extent that families are not living according to biblical principles

[00:28:25] and so what’s happening is it’s creating these problems yes I would say that that’s one component of it yes and how I

[00:28:32] don’t think husbands and wives realize how they treat each other or even the words that they speak you know how that

[00:28:38] impacts their child on what a relationship is a man and a wife so like so what do you mean by that well I’m

[00:28:45] just like the the situation there with a girl with the parents but for instance when it comes to the words you know if

[00:28:51] they’re battering each other and putting each other down yeah then the child’s trying to figure out what’s the best role you know as far

[00:28:59] as the gender goes to look at it that way and again nobody wants to be a

[00:29:04] victim if a young boy is in a situation where the parents are in a type of a

[00:29:11] troubled marriage like this and he’s got a sensitive nature he’s gonna lean more

[00:29:16] towards mom and he’s gonna look at dad as as being the bear you know and thinking I don’t want to be like that

[00:29:22] yeah so in the past I mean it’s not as if abuse has just popped up in our

[00:29:29] generation here in the past when when families would see this

[00:29:35] you know I don’t my mom comes from a generation in the 1940s and so forth

[00:29:40] this was not common at all did people just respond to these issues differently

[00:29:47] and and now that our culture is saying hey you need to be quote true to yourself if you feel like you’re a man

[00:29:53] then then then go ahead be transgender is it because our culture is dealing with this differently that people move

[00:29:59] towards that yes III believe that it is you know back when my dad had struggled with this I remember when he was seen by

[00:30:06] a psychiatrist and I also remember when he had stayed at a mental mental institution for a bit and so all of that

[00:30:15] it was like the person needs help there was an understanding that our the way that we mentally perceive ourselves if

[00:30:21] it doesn’t align with reality then there’s a problem there yeah you know today were were not at all standing by

[00:30:28] that message I mean biology doesn’t even stand by reality in some of this yeah and when you’re because they’re changing

[00:30:34] biology is that what you’re well the just the fact that biology if my dad would have died and nobody had any ID or

[00:30:41] anything and they did say bloodwork DNA yeah they would have discovered that he was a man no matter what he looked like

[00:30:46] on the outside so we’re allowing we’re encouraging as a culture to do cosmetic surgery to change the outside of a

[00:30:53] person when inside you know what they’re still hurting yeah they’re still hurting

[00:30:58] so if somebody were to say well they were to say well Denise I think that

[00:31:04] them being allowed to do that is going to be more beneficial than you telling them no you’re you’re struggling

[00:31:11] mentally there’s mental problems here that need to be fixed how would you respond to that what would you say – I

[00:31:16] would respond and ask them why is there a 41% attempted suicide rate well among

[00:31:21] transgender among people that have either transitioned or identify as being transgender and 30% of these folks are

[00:31:29] successful in their attempt so it just shows that it does not fix anything even

[00:31:34] doctor Paul McHugh from John Hopkins has said that we have wasted valuable time this is not fixing people they are

[00:31:41] coming back to me with there were a lot of depression and anxiety so why then is our culture I mean we see it

[00:31:48] within sports especially what’s happening in sports is a lot of these organizations that have power over

[00:31:55] what’s happening in sports are saying we’re gonna allow these transgenders to come to you they’re not they’re not I

[00:32:01] mean is this just not widely known that they’re they attempted suicide rates and so forth or are they just saying hey

[00:32:07] look we just we don’t wanna lawsuit just just I think it is that they don’t want

[00:32:12] a lawsuit and I think it’s just gotten carried away everybody’s listened to the message that if somebody or a child

[00:32:17] transitions everybody else will transition with them and that’s what we’re seeing happen in our culture there’s actually also the message out

[00:32:24] there that for a child going through puberty that they’re being it’s being suggested to them that their body will

[00:32:29] betray them their body’s betraying them to do what it was created to do yeah yeah how can i betray them yeah so so

[00:32:38] when you’re working with people do you see healing come about is this difficult

[00:32:45] to get through or is it or do you see a lot of success in working through these

[00:32:51] issues I see a lot of success when folks and I say you know which the majority of

[00:32:58] them do when they cling and they hang on to God they hang on to their faith to take them through this and that means

[00:33:03] for the families or the individuals for the individuals it is a lot of work because you’re talking about a lot of

[00:33:08] deep wounds and it has taken more than likely years for this to manifest and

[00:33:13] become what it has so it’s not going to be a quick fix it’s not going to be something where they’re gonna click their fingers and tomorrow they’re gonna

[00:33:19] wake up and to be just fine for the most part yeah you know it is dealing just like for my father it would have been

[00:33:24] dealing with the with the sexual abuse that would have been dealing with an alcoholic mother he actually was tied

[00:33:31] out on the clothesline with a bowl for like a dog while his father went out to

[00:33:37] work so there was a lot of mental he was he was tied out on the clothesline yes

[00:33:44] like a dog with a blower with a bowl for for water oh my gosh and and left there

[00:33:50] and you know as he started obviously when he got past that age and the fact that my grandfather went huntin he

[00:33:56] didn’t he was a sensitive nature yeah and so my grandfather was a very a hunter you know very aggressive and

[00:34:03] man-made yeah yeah you know so they didn’t connect either so all these different components very there’s so

[00:34:11] many men that are older that struggle with this and they just they’re so hungry for their dad to give them a hug for their father to give them a home

[00:34:18] well that’s important when we come back we’re gonna continue to talk about that what is it as a father what do I need to do to make sure that my son or my

[00:34:26] daughter is growing up healthy how do i best facilitate that my guest is Denise Schick we’ll be right back

[00:34:35] hi this is jason hall president of team home loans a branch of synergy one lending i just wanted to take this

[00:34:41] opportunity to think Kevin Kahn over for the profound impact he’s had on mine and my wife’s spiritual life as well as

[00:34:47] being an incredible teacher while our kids were his students his knowledge and passion have taught us all how important

[00:34:53] it is to be defenders of our faith it’s our honor and privilege to support Kevin and his show is our sincere hope and

[00:34:59] prayer that you will continue to learn to be defenders of your faith through Kevin’s radio show and through his educate for life teachings thank you

[00:35:06] Kevin from the hall family and team Home Loans this is throughout all ages

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[00:36:39] [Music]

[00:36:44] welcome to educate for life I’m your host Kevin Conover if you’re enjoying this interview and you’re just you just

[00:36:50] tuning in and you didn’t get the whole thing and you want to listen to the rest of it it is on YouTube and it will be

[00:36:56] podcasts on iTunes as well I love to have you check out our videos please like the channel it’s a educate for life

[00:37:02] video and like our videos comment on them that gets the information out there and really this is not a message that is

[00:37:09] widespread the media does not want to hear this this is something that is being suppressed in our culture but this

[00:37:15] is typical it’s it’s not just a physical thing it’s spiritual it’s emotional it’s psychological and the spiritual world is

[00:37:23] real and there’s a spiritual war and so what we want to do is give people truth Christ said when you know the truth

[00:37:29] right he said I am the way the truth and the life but he said when you know the truth the truth will set you free and that’s what really what we’re all about

[00:37:35] here so my guest today is Denise Schick her website is help for families calm and Denise are people able to get help

[00:37:45] from your ministry even though they may not be in the same town as your ministry

[00:37:51] and what you’re doing or how does that work yes they are we have different support groups support group leaders but

[00:37:56] also because 13 years ago this wasn’t really heard of a whole lot so we had to learn to be very creative and meeting

[00:38:03] the needs of individuals and so in between conference calls Skype pastoral counseling really just coming alongside

[00:38:10] of the individual and just like a human service you know agency it’s you look at what are their needs you have a prayer

[00:38:17] card ministry there’s so many different ways that we try to be creative to come alongside of somebody and know that we

[00:38:24] understand what they’re going through and what we’re here what about support do you have a non-profit do you can

[00:38:30] people donate to support what you’re doing yes it is a non-profit okay that’s great so if you have the resources

[00:38:36] please support this ministry this is needed more than ever in our culture

[00:38:42] probably historically more than ever the you know that we’ve experienced so we were talking when we left off last you

[00:38:48] were talking about how important it is for fathers to connect with their children and what they need to do in order to

[00:38:55] make sure that that child is growing up healthy can you expand a little bit on that what you were talking about there sure well when we think about attachment

[00:39:02] in the tumor for instance something when our children are young you know to be able to look into the eyes of our child

[00:39:07] when we’re telling a story a storybook you know or a conversation to realize

[00:39:13] that that eye contact is so important that the the child feels it tuned to

[00:39:18] what is what does that mean attuned well it would be almost like how as Americans we’ve gotten used to TV you

[00:39:25] know television we’re zoomed in yeah on the television on the event you are listening and we’re right there

[00:39:32] playing this and so as a dad or a mom even you know to be that in tune to your

[00:39:37] child to recognize when there’s maybe some needs or some struggles going on to

[00:39:42] keep open communications especially with our teenagers today let them know that they have a safe place to come and talk

[00:39:48] about gender talk about the issues that that is surrounding and really drowning

[00:39:54] struggling with yes but as parents we’ve got to take time with we’ve got to be

[00:39:59] relational with our children no matter what age they are yeah and it’s so easy to just get on your phone or come home

[00:40:05] and just go about your business and it’s almost like the kids are leave living separate lives in so many cases and it’s

[00:40:13] it’s fascinating to me the incredible impact that what you’re saying to be

[00:40:19] present with your children has such an incredible emotional impact on them yes and so you are also talking about how

[00:40:28] you know that has to happen in the family that the we have to be present with the kids and that’s going to

[00:40:34] instill in them what what is going to be instilled in them as they instill in them some value but they’re important to

[00:40:40] you you know that they’re valuable mm-hmm to the parents and the relationship itself what you’re able to

[00:40:46] teach our mentor your child through those years even if it is your values yeah okay and how does that affect their

[00:40:54] sexual identity does it what’s going on there well if you have a healthy you

[00:41:00] know father mother the same-sex parent and that relationship is healthy that is

[00:41:06] point give them more confidence as well in themselves and they’re going to view if

[00:41:11] they have a healthy father and see that he’s safe that men are safe mm-hmm you know so it affects so many different

[00:41:18] angles of how the child feels about themselves if they if there is a lack because these things are missing

[00:41:24] sometimes it can create the environment where they’re seeking that attention

[00:41:30] they’re seeking the attributes that the same-sex parent there are that the same-sex peers possesses so I want to

[00:41:37] talk also about the role of the church in these issues and what that means but also how how do you recommend people

[00:41:45] respond to these issues you know we have that we have the big target blow up with

[00:41:51] transgender men being able to use women’s bathrooms and these sorts of things what I’m sure this comes up in your

[00:41:59] ministry and the discussions that take place how do we respond to this culturally what’s the Christian you know

[00:42:06] what’s the Christian admonition here what are we supposed to do well I think first of all to do sometimes the most

[00:42:12] difficult thing and that is to love others that we don’t understand yeah or others that are really uncomfortable to

[00:42:19] be around because you don’t again understand what they’re going through we are so different so to show that that

[00:42:26] can be hard we can say I love my neighbor but are we really acting that out yeah that is so challenging but to

[00:42:34] to understand the depth of pain that many of the folks that identify as being

[00:42:39] transgender and if somebody has come to you and said you know this is what I struggle with to realize the amount of

[00:42:45] courage that that took for them to come forward because that is not easy for

[00:42:50] them so often shame will keep them back in the closet from going forward and to

[00:42:56] allow others to come alongside of them for men if there is somebody that they know that that is a man that struggles

[00:43:02] in this way the best medicine for that man is to have good godly healthy men to

[00:43:08] come alongside of him and not only hold them accountable but to really be a

[00:43:13] friend and show him what that healthy relationship is and what how healthy it is to it

[00:43:19] except your masculinity and who God had created you to be that doesn’t mean he has to be a football player yeah it

[00:43:24] might be sensitive or you know whatever nature right but that’s not the masculinity heart so the same thing for

[00:43:32] girls you know to look at that and not want to run from their femininity but to learn to embrace that through the

[00:43:39] healthy relationships that can be brought to them now do a lot of churches as you’re as you’re traveling and

[00:43:45] speaking and doing interviews and these sorts of things are you seeing a lot of churches pick up you know the mantle

[00:43:51] here pick up the baton and deal with these issues or what do you see in the churches well I see first of all

[00:43:57] churches that are nervous because of the culture that we live in and I do understand that there is more of a

[00:44:03] pickup in the last couple years sadly you know many times it’s the pastor :

[00:44:08] saying I never thought I’d have to call your type of ministry and so they’re looking for tools in their toolbox of

[00:44:14] how to handle whatever situation is that they’re looking at yeah and to understand that’s great well we have one

[00:44:23] more segment left we’re coming up here on a break my guest is Denise Schick and

[00:44:28] her website is help for families dot-com if you haven’t been listening and Denise

[00:44:34] do you mind if I give out the phone number on the air also is that okay fine okay the number is eight one four five

[00:44:40] nine eight four nine five two eight one four five nine eight four nine five two and you know if somebody’s out there

[00:44:48] right now and you’re you have family members that are struggling with these issues or you yourself are struggling

[00:44:53] with these issues you know the best thing they can do is reach out to

[00:44:58] somebody not keep this hidden would you say yes it is because when we keep things hidden we’re not moving forward

[00:45:05] and it’s really the enemy when we look at this spiritually it’s the enemy that stopping us from moving forward in our

[00:45:10] own healing yeah and so I do want to touch on too when we come back what was

[00:45:15] the turning point in your life where you began to really move towards healing and

[00:45:21] then decided hey you know what this is what God is calling me to reach out and help people with this we’ll be right

[00:45:26] back my guess is Denise Schick [Music] did you know that Denver Broncos

[00:45:33] quarterback Tim Tebow was home-schooled along with all four of his siblings by his mom Pam Tebow you’re invited to hear

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[00:47:02] six hi this is Jason hall president of team home loans a branch of synergy one lending I just wanted to take this

[00:47:08] opportunity to thank Kevin Kahn over for the profound impact he’s had on mine and my wife’s spiritual life as well as

[00:47:15] being an incredible teacher while our kids were his students his knowledge and passion have taught us all how important

[00:47:20] it is to be defenders of our faith it’s our honor and privilege to support Kevin and his show is our sincere hope and

[00:47:27] prayer that you will continue to learn to be defenders of your faith through Kevin’s radio show and through his educate for life teachings

[00:47:33] Thank You Kevin from the hall family and team Home Loans hi I’m Marissa Conover

[00:47:39] and I would love to help you buy or sell your home I’ve worked as a realtor for more than

[00:47:45] 13 years and as a San Diego native my passion and experience will help make

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[00:48:02] or visit Conover homes calm [Applause]

[00:48:10] welcome to educate for life I’m your host Kevin Conover my web sites educate for life.org or if you want to sign up

[00:48:16] for my online curriculum it’s join Jo I n dot educate for life Oh our G love to

[00:48:22] have you check that out we’re also having a debate coming up September 26th there’s gonna be a debate at San Diego

[00:48:28] State University it’s between Dan Barker he’s the president of the Freedom From Religion Foundation and also Christian a

[00:48:37] man who has a Christian and a scientist not a Christian Scientist but a man who is a Christian and a scientist dr. Andy

[00:48:43] McIntosh he’s from England and he is an expert in thermodynamics so it should be

[00:48:49] a very interesting debate I hope you can make it out love to have you come and listen you can ask questions it’s gonna

[00:48:54] be really good my guest today is Denise chick and her ministry has helped for families

[00:49:00] help for families calm and her father pursued wanted to become a woman he was

[00:49:06] a man who wanted to become a woman Denise did he ever draw the conclusion

[00:49:13] that he was going in the wrong direction before he passed away yes what happened

[00:49:20] there towards the end of his life its wards the end it was it was 13 years where he had been gone away from our

[00:49:25] family and my mother had let me know at that time that he was dying a cancer hmm and it was through that time where I had

[00:49:32] to learn a whole new lesson on what forgiveness genuine forgiveness was really about because the Lord started to

[00:49:38] knock on my heart and say you need to face him and you need to forgive him now and of course I’m thinking I had done

[00:49:43] that you know through my walk of being a Christian where oh I forgive him Lord and thinking that I did but the minute

[00:49:49] dad did something to hurt our family again you know I wanted I felt like it was a power yeah it was something that I

[00:49:54] had power power over him and so this is

[00:49:59] where it was just listening to the Lord for two weeks and it was finally like

[00:50:04] okay you know I’ll go see Dad now 13 years is a long time to be away from

[00:50:10] somebody that’s transitioning and so at that time I husband was working away from home and my brother went with me

[00:50:15] and we walked up to the door and I knocked on the door the first time and

[00:50:21] he did an answer and I looked at my brother and I said well he’s not home you know thinking I was gonna get off the handle here but that

[00:50:28] didn’t happen my brother looked at me and he said knock one more time Denise and of course you knock one more time

[00:50:34] and I seen my father coming towards the door and now I say I see my father but

[00:50:39] because of looking at the outside I kept telling myself even then look at his

[00:50:45] eyes look at his eyes don’t allow everything else because I knew I could it would just break me apart and so as

[00:50:51] he opened up the door and after talking with him for about 10 minutes I realized he didn’t know who I was

[00:50:56] whoa and I said to him you don’t know who we are do you and he said we’ll hear from Hospice I said no this is your son

[00:51:05] and I’m Denise your daughter and the tears for the first time in this cold-hearted man’s heart it was the

[00:51:12] first time I’ve ever seen my dad that tender and he got up and stood up off

[00:51:18] the couch and come over to hug my brother and I now I’m just being honest with you he hugged us but we were not

[00:51:26] ready to hug him back I was not in a place we were not in a place to do that

[00:51:31] but it was big for us to allow him sure especially myself because there was some inappropriate touching between him and I

[00:51:38] as a young girl as well so it was walking through this process and I got

[00:51:44] my brother’s car afterwards and I’m like okay God did what you said I’m done never tell God you know what I

[00:51:53] discovered is that God had moved my heart and it was I wanted to understand my dad now as an adult

[00:51:59] not that nine-year-old girl and I wanted him to know the love of God and so this

[00:52:05] desire grew and grew and so when I got home ‘iz by 4-hour trip and before I

[00:52:11] knew it I was calling my dad every day and making trips to Pittsburgh to see

[00:52:16] how he was you know to spend that time with him is so important especially when he was in the hospital and knowing he

[00:52:22] wouldn’t come out and that was through some more difficult challenges that I had personally faced with him and

[00:52:29] nothing can prepare a family member that walks into the hospital room you know

[00:52:34] for my mom who was with us to see her husband and pink fuzzy slippers a woman’s nightgown and you know his

[00:52:40] LGBT Church inside and so you know here and them call my dad Becky and her and I

[00:52:47] would say you mean him my dad Harold and it wasn’t done in a way to to create a

[00:52:55] hateful environment Carol to be honest it was I felt in my heart I was the only

[00:53:00] one speaking the truth I was speaking clarity and trying to remind him of who he really was because

[00:53:07] he was so deceived in this identity yeah so is that a lot of what you have to work through as far as really coming to

[00:53:15] a person and saying hey you really need to identify who you are is that when you work through these issues it is first

[00:53:22] working through the the wounds of the heart and the soul that they have okay you know and working like if they’ve

[00:53:28] been sexually molested or if they felt rejected with their dad to work on those relationships because you know what God the Holy Spirit will do the rest

[00:53:34] yeah okay well we’ll bring that about in the conversations when that person you know is ready but for myself it was it

[00:53:42] was really learning the true meaning of forgiveness and I didn’t realize what

[00:53:48] God had been doing in those six months in that hospital room and the last day

[00:53:53] my husband and I went to go see him he was in a coma and I’m like Lord I’ve been looking for these scriptures and now I have Alma now he’s in a coma

[00:54:00] feeling like that chance was lost but I took up the chance that he might be able to hear me I slid up a chair and this is

[00:54:08] the most amazing this is the big the gold out of this journey yeah was when I

[00:54:13] went to tell my dad goodbye that day once my siblings had arrived because we still had four young children at home

[00:54:19] and needed to get back I didn’t feel safe leaving him there without them

[00:54:25] I I was so I know that there I am warming up my dad’s hand you see I’m noticing his bodies growing cold yeah

[00:54:31] and having tears in my eyes and and as I went to say goodbye to him just him and

[00:54:38] I in that realm yeah and I bent over to kiss him on the forehead Kevin that’s

[00:54:44] what I realized what God’s Amazing Grace was all about there is no way in heaven

[00:54:51] you would have seen me do that 30 years before that I was not in a place and I

[00:54:57] didn’t really offer genuine forgiveness so for myself this is a lesson of

[00:55:02] forgiveness that the Lord has taken me through yeah and that’s one of the most amazing things to me is about Christ you

[00:55:10] know is that so many situations in life we could become incredibly bitter and

[00:55:15] hold grudges for most of our life because of what people have done to us

[00:55:20] or how they’ve hurt us or or we can be experiencing that because of the

[00:55:26] mistakes we’ve made and the sins we’ve committed and yet Christ is the ultimate

[00:55:32] Redeemer of her and broken relationships and what he does and that that’s

[00:55:38] integral to your ministry because without that you can’t do this no we have to look at our own heart and

[00:55:44] examine ourselves with family members it’s really getting to a point where I can say to them this journey isn’t just

[00:55:51] about your loved one this is about what does God want to do with you and in your own heart and sometimes that’s us face

[00:55:58] in our own monsters yeah that’s so powerful Denise Schick is my guest and please

[00:56:04] visit her website help for families com there also you can donate to their ministry and what they’re doing the

[00:56:10] phone number is eight one four five nine eight four nine five two please reach out and just take the opportunity to get

[00:56:20] help and get healing and learn from somebody who’s traveled a path that

[00:56:25] maybe you’re on or a family members on and don’t give up on people because God

[00:56:31] doesn’t give up on us and we want to continue to pray and reach out to those around us who needs God’s love and so

[00:56:39] Denise thank you so much for being on the show today thank you so much for the opportunity huge blessing again if you

[00:56:45] want to visit my website you can check out a youtube video of this show you can also podcast it and again our debate is

[00:56:52] coming up on September 26th please come out to San Diego State University if you’re local here in San Diego and

[00:56:58] that’ll be between Dan Barker and E McIntosh I have the honor and privilege of being a moderator there

[00:57:04] being put on by apni hope and my ministry educate for a life so god bless

[00:57:09] you I hope you have a wonderful Saturday and I look forward to being with you again next week we’re going to be having

[00:57:15] Mike Conroy director of Teen Challenge here in San Diego California along with

[00:57:20] some other people who have been recovered from addiction addictions to drugs Teen Challenge is one of the largest drug addiction recovery

[00:57:27] ministries in the world and they are incredibly successful because of Christ and so god bless you have a fantastic

[00:57:33] Saturday did you miss part of today’s program don’t worry we’re con mitad to helping

[00:57:38] you get the info you need okay that was dumb but for real visit educate for life con for podcast

[00:57:45] and video recording to the show and to sign up for the school of unshakable faith leave us your comments compliments

[00:57:50] questions or concerns at 800 243 97