How to Combat Anxiety – Dr. Esther Yi

[00:00:00] now here’s your host Kevin Conover bring your time

[00:00:06] welcome to educate for life I’m your host Kevin Conover my websites educate for life org and if you’re joining us on

[00:00:12] social media or wave and here to you this is dr. Esther Yee she’s on the air

[00:00:17] with me today and we have a great topic we’re gonna be talking about you may or may not know that there’s a pretty

[00:00:24] significant consensus that anxiety is actually on the on the rise in the u.s.

[00:00:31] anxiety depression these sorts of things in August 2018 Barnes and Noble they’re the largest book retailer in the

[00:00:38] United States they announced a huge surge in the sales of books about anxiety a 25% jump on June 2017 and

[00:00:47] somebody wrote we may be living in an anxious nation and you know it’s it is a significant issue I actually started a

[00:00:55] unit on this subject in my classes because so many of my students are dealing with anxiety and anxiety often

[00:01:03] leads to depression and other things but let me tell you about my my guest dr. Esther Yee

[00:01:09] she has a bachelor’s degree in psychology with a minor in Asian Studies from the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor master’s degree in counseling

[00:01:15] psychology and a doctorate in psychology from Southern California Seminary graduate school of behavioral sciences

[00:01:21] her clinical experience includes adolescent and adult survivors of sex trafficking domestic violence offenders

[00:01:27] rehab drug and alcohol addictions depression anxiety family issues anger

[00:01:32] and she’s currently teaching at Bethel seminary and Point Loma Nazarene University master’s program dr. Yee

[00:01:39] thanks for being on the program today yeah I think for having me Kevin absolutely so we actually have coming up

[00:01:45] a free family conference for those of you interested this is going to be on May 4th it’s a very short conference

[00:01:52] 9:00 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. but there’s all kinds of workshops that are gonna be available to you in order to get help

[00:01:57] for your family talks about things like blended families improving communication between tweens teens and parents that

[00:02:04] sounds like a good one for me right it’s single parenting finding peace during chaos that’s kind of what we’re dealing

[00:02:11] with today parenting habits prevent kids from leaving their faith that’s something that I’m covering there

[00:02:17] at the conference dr. Yi is gonna be at the conference also and the main topic of the conference dr. Yi’s battling

[00:02:23] loneliness so why why was this you know what happened here to make the decision

[00:02:29] about loneliness to be one of the main issues that you’re gonna be focusing on I think we’re seeing a lot more I think we’re seeing it in relationships because

[00:02:36] people are experiencing loneliness we have more people who are living by themselves but really it comes down to

[00:02:41] people don’t know how to have quality relationships with people social media is on the rise and we see that with technology changing but in general

[00:02:48] people will realize that they’re struggling to have quality relationships we have quantity we have lots of Facebook friends and Instagram friends

[00:02:54] and followers but in general we’re having a hard time just having genuine relationships with people that we can be

[00:03:00] open and honest with and so that’s just kind of how we came to this topic because we’re seeing an increase of that and people seeking help for those things

[00:03:06] absolutely okay so you’re seeing that actually on the clinical side too a lot of people looking for that yes I I was

[00:03:13] with my students over at Christian high I’m a 12th grade Bible teacher and one of the subjects when we were going through the whole anxiety depression

[00:03:20] that we looked at a Harvard study it was a 7075 year study 724 men they’ve done

[00:03:27] it for a it’s still ongoing but one of the most significant things they said the key finding in the study was that

[00:03:34] loneliness kills and that healthy social relationships are what bring the most

[00:03:39] satisfaction the most joy they said at 80 those who were most happy were the

[00:03:45] ones who had 50 had the strongest social relationships can you speak to that yeah absolutely I think we’re seeing that we

[00:03:53] need strong quality relationships and not just superficial relationships and so people tend to be less lonely when

[00:04:00] they have strong quality relationships the study that you’re talking about talked about mortality rates and people

[00:04:05] are living shorter lives because they’re experiencing loneliness I think there’s a study out there that talked about it’s

[00:04:10] very similar to as if you smoked 15 cigarettes a day that’s the impact that it has when you’re experiencing some

[00:04:16] type of loneliness and so we really want to break that and talk about it more and I know even the Surgeon General came up

[00:04:22] with the video talking about while loneliness really impacts people and so to address it what are the solutions for

[00:04:28] and so that’s really how we came to the topic of this that’s fantastic so needed and and you know we worked dr. yi and I

[00:04:36] were talking off the air just briefly about you know the stuff that’s on YouTube the stuff that’s on cartoons as

[00:04:44] well as just people disconnecting because of social media so do you think that social media is playing a role in

[00:04:51] people being less equipped to be able to have those social relationships like in-person relationships I think it can

[00:04:57] be I love social media I’m on it myself I think there’s pros and cons to and it really depends on how you use it yeah if

[00:05:04] you’re definitely only concerned about the numbers and the amount of likes that you have and trying to present material

[00:05:09] that maybe not be authentic to you and just who you are as a person I could see that really causing loneliness because

[00:05:16] people don’t really know who you really are you’re not able to be vulnerable and be the person that you really desire to

[00:05:24] be and your presenting may be more of a facade out to people and that can really create loneliness because you feel like wow people don’t really know me they

[00:05:31] know who I present but they don’t really know me especially if you’re really caught up in what is the most popular

[00:05:38] post that make sense that yeah that makes a ton of sense I mean I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and he said man you know sometimes

[00:05:47] you see all that other people are doing to and you look at that and you go man I got to post something else that’s you

[00:05:53] know good or shows ate my life’s worth living here too and so it creates almost this competition between okay who has

[00:05:59] the best you know quote life right yeah yeah and you know sometimes pain is

[00:06:04] definitely a part of everybody’s life suffering it’s more of a matter of when it happens and not a matter of if it

[00:06:09] happens but that’s not the stuff that people oftentimes want to see now we are seeing a change and sometimes people are more open about those things especially

[00:06:15] related to mental health but in general I think people kind of shy away from that because it gets uncomfortable and

[00:06:21] difficult to really sit with people’s pain and so people filter yeah

[00:06:26] absolutely because you don’t you don’t and a lot of people they don’t know how to respond to that either they go oh man this person posted about this and I’m

[00:06:32] not sure how to respond to that right yeah yeah and so then they say nothing and sometimes that can be extremely painful

[00:06:37] I mean imagine when somebody shares something in / with somebody about something that they’re going through like a death of a

[00:06:44] parent or you know something like cancer and you just sit there in silence and say nothing yeah and that can be really hurtful to

[00:06:50] the person that was so incredibly vulnerable and they just openly shared your life well say something you may not

[00:06:56] exactly know what to say and that’s okay you’re human it’s okay to make a mistake and then say hey okay wait I take that

[00:07:01] back that’s not what I meant to say sometimes it’s just identifying an emotion wow it must be must be really difficult I can’t

[00:07:08] even imagine what you’re going through and having that authentic experience with somebody who’s sharing something so vulnerable yeah so let’s talk more about

[00:07:17] what exactly from a clinical perspective what is anxiety hmm I would say a very

[00:07:23] simple way to define anxiety is a lot of worried overwhelming worry to the point

[00:07:29] where I you know everybody experiences some type of anxiety like if you were about to present before school standing

[00:07:35] in front of lots of people you might experience in some type of anxiety but that doesn’t mean you have an anxiety disorder and so I want to differentiate

[00:07:42] that because I think sometimes people look at the symptoms on Google and they think oh my gosh I have anxiety I have

[00:07:49] some type of anxiety disorder now when it impacts your ability to function day to day then I would say yeah that’s

[00:07:54] probably the good time to go and seek help for instance I know some people get so anxious and have panic attacks when

[00:08:00] they’re driving and they can’t drive they can’t function so I would say yeah that’s definitely an indicator that you can’t function this may impact your

[00:08:06] ability to have good relationships like at home with your friends even work especially

[00:08:11] work performance you’d be surprised a lot of people get impacted by anxiety at work and so it’s really difficult for

[00:08:17] them to concentrate with kids I would say studies it’s hard to focus on what

[00:08:22] the teachers are talking about and so they look like they’re not interested

[00:08:27] but really it could be anxiety mm-hmm okay that makes a lot of sense so I was

[00:08:32] due I was looking this up so are there different types of what is a general anxiety disorder or social anxiety what

[00:08:43] what is general gid i think is the abbreviation yeah general anxiety is just the general disorder for anxiety

[00:08:50] that people are facing day to day there is a timeframe related to that of how much you’re experiencing anxiety

[00:08:56] social anxiety happens more with when you’re in a social settings so being around people can cause a lot of anxiety

[00:09:02] so you’ll see more people won’t go out in public due to those things and so they for a lack of a better description

[00:09:10] may be more like a hermit and they want to kind of hide away from being in

[00:09:15] social settings yeah okay that makes a lot of sense I got this disc it said

[00:09:21] people with GID feel anxious most days and often struggle to remember the last time they felt relaxed as soon as one

[00:09:28] anxious thought is resolved another may appear about a different issue so it’s just uh it’s like an ongoing thing it

[00:09:35] just doesn’t stop yeah and it’s a battle of the mind so sometimes people can’t even tell that people are experiencing anxiety yeah you

[00:09:42] know and it’s an ongoing thing and it’s it can be really paralyzing to somebody to be able to function the way that you

[00:09:47] desire to yeah and anxiety is when we’re talking about a disorder you’re talking

[00:09:53] about like anxiety that is off the chart kind of unreasonable it’s not something that warrants the kind of anxiety that a

[00:10:01] person had like a panic attack kind of right right I would say if you are swimming and people are telling you that

[00:10:06] they’re sharks they’re it’s okay to fear feel anxious yeah sharks being in the water but if you are somewhere in its

[00:10:14] and you’re safe but you’re still feeling anxious and you have tons of worries that’s when you know that you’re

[00:10:20] experiencing maybe beyond your capacity to cope with it yeah and so that’s I that’s probably the biggest difference

[00:10:26] is when there’s normal anxiety for certain situations but then there are situations where people probably

[00:10:32] shouldn’t expect or experience anxiety and they are to a very high extreme and that can be really paralyzing okay so my

[00:10:39] guest today is dr. Esther Yee and when we get back we’re going to talk about okay where does this anxiety come from

[00:10:46] why do some people seem so calm you know under situations while other people are freaking out does it have something to

[00:10:52] do with the way they were brought up is it genetic where is this coming from and we’re also discussing is this

[00:10:57] increasing and if it is increasing in America which seems to be the case there’s so many people reporting an

[00:11:02] increase in anxiety and increase in depression where that coming from and what can we do about it how can we minimize anxiety and

[00:11:10] depression in our own homes among our children with our spouse what kind of things can we learn to do or habits can

[00:11:17] we develop which where we reduce the anxiety in our homes because like dr. you was saying this actually takes years

[00:11:23] off your lifespan it’s not just a you know an issue that that isn’t relevant it actually affects your your physical

[00:11:30] health as well as your mental health and ultimately your relationship with God too so stay with us we’re gonna be right

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[00:12:08] [Applause] thanks for being with us today this is educate for life I’m your host Kevin

[00:12:14] Conover and my website is dedicated to helping people understand the truth of God’s Word so you can check it out we’ve

[00:12:22] got all kinds of classes there that will help you better understand where the Bible came from why the Bible is true

[00:12:28] how to deal with social issues or cultural issues that pertain to the Bible things like abortion is a very hot

[00:12:35] issue right now we have classes on on how to discuss that in a loving and

[00:12:40] godly and logical fashion we have the issues of homosexuality on there also

[00:12:45] where you can discuss that understand the biblical view and how to discuss that with other people we also have

[00:12:51] things on other religions so religions like Islam or Mormonism or Buddhism all

[00:12:56] these different things that we talked about on my website as well as many interviews with people from all over the world just interviewed not too long ago

[00:13:05] a former atheist who became a Christian Mary Jo sharp and she talks about why

[00:13:11] she switched from atheism to Christianity great interview you can check that out on our YouTube page

[00:13:16] Facebook page as well as my website my guest today is dr. Esther ye and rhombic

[00:13:23] counseling com is she works with dr. Julie Hayden and they have a Counseling

[00:13:29] Center if you’re looking for help whether it’s anxiety issues depression whatever it is just making better life

[00:13:35] choices you can check it out there that’s rhombus counseling calm rhombuses spelled rho m bu s they also have the

[00:13:43] family conference coming up it’s a free family conference and is it true that lunch is included yes it is maple View

[00:13:50] Baptist Church has just been amazing and they’re really hosting this and they believe in it and so they’re like we’re

[00:13:56] gonna include lunch that’s incredible free and free lunch child care free for those that are under

[00:14:01] too so it’s amazing yeah I’ve never heard of a conference where you go to it free and you get free food yes that

[00:14:10] makes it worthwhile right there okay and they’re gonna be covering all kinds of great stuff there I’m going to be there I’m going to be giving two sessions and

[00:14:16] so I hope you guys can come out and check it out it should be a lot of fun and very helpful so dr. Yee

[00:14:25] where does anxiety come from you know why is it that some people are very

[00:14:31] anxious about situations that other people it has no anxiety at all does that have something to do with the way

[00:14:36] they were brought up what what is what is going on there yeah it can I think it’s a mixture of a lot of things and so

[00:14:41] that’s sometimes what is so difficult because people respond very differently so for instance genes can really impact

[00:14:48] people but you might see even in siblings somebody struggles with anxiety and then somebody doesn’t so even I

[00:14:53] would say genetics it also can be environmental factors things that have happened to them stressors maybe in the workplace things

[00:15:00] that they’ve experienced maybe even trauma those things can really add and be a risk factor for anxiety so I would

[00:15:06] say it’s a combination okay yeah so for somebody who’s who’s what do you recommend for somebody who has

[00:15:12] struggling with like a general anxiety disorder where they are you know dealing

[00:15:18] with this on a regular basis where they’re having racing thoughts where they can’t they can’t let it go their

[00:15:23] minds at nighttime there their mind is racing they’re still thinking about things if from the day what kind of

[00:15:29] advice do you give somebody who’s going through that hmm you know I think the first thing that I would really say is that you’re not alone you’re not alone

[00:15:36] because I think so many people think that they are alone in that and then they’re in their minds and they feel alone because they’re not talking about

[00:15:42] it so I would say first know that you are in good company and there’s tons of

[00:15:48] people who have received help and they’re living lives that they want to and they don’t have to live a life like that the second thing I would say is

[00:15:55] talk to somebody tell somebody I don’t care who it is somebody that you trust tell them because this process is life

[00:16:02] that we live is not meant to be walked alone and so in this process of anxiety it makes you feel super alone and that’s

[00:16:07] a part of it and so talk to somebody and hopefully though they can point you in the right direction of receiving help that might be your friends your family

[00:16:14] your church pastors I would say this family conference is just even a good start because it’s filled with people who are professionals in the field maybe

[00:16:22] even calling somebody who is a therapist and saying hey this is what I’m going through is this something that I should

[00:16:27] be receiving help from because I do think a lot of the questions I get is do I have anxiety should I be getting help

[00:16:33] from this or is this what everybody goes through yeah absolutely I again the stat here is

[00:16:39] around 6.8 million people in the US suffer from generalized anxiety disorder

[00:16:45] and that is just over 3% of the adult population and it was saying here

[00:16:53] anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the u.s. affecting around 40 million adults almost one in

[00:17:00] five people yeah well I mean I think those statistics speak volumes as to how

[00:17:05] many people are really struggling with this you know similar to I don’t want to say it’s the same thing but very similar

[00:17:11] to physical disorders I would say it depends on the stage that you catch it in so that would be my advice to catch

[00:17:17] it early like if you have it and you’re noticing that it’s impacting your life get help early it’s different as if

[00:17:23] somebody is diagnosed with cancer and you are at stage one where it’s more minimal versus stage four and it’s

[00:17:29] really spread to different organs I would say catch anxiety if you can at stage one and it really makes a

[00:17:35] difference in how you might be treated and what that prognosis and that journey

[00:17:40] may look like hmm that’s interesting so can you break that down for us so let’s say somebody’s there at stage one first

[00:17:50] of all what does that look like and then how does that change over time is it does anxiety if not dealt with grow if

[00:17:58] you don’t mm-hmm can you explain that yeah it’s you know it’s kind of like

[00:18:03] mold where it’s there and maybe you’re like oh it’s at the bottom of my strawberries so no big deal and I’ll

[00:18:10] just toss it up but what if you don’t yeah what what happens that whole pint of strawberries that’s gone bad now and

[00:18:16] so I think that’s kind of okay at stage one will pull the star Barrow and toss it right and maybe it’s just impacting

[00:18:22] your thoughts and so you start to worry and maybe you’re a student and so it’s impacting your ability to function and

[00:18:28] focus in school but it’s not that bad and maybe it comes and goes so it’s not all the time but you just you’re

[00:18:34] noticing it to the point where like oh I used to not worry this much or maybe if people are commenting like hey you worry

[00:18:40] a lot and you tend to be super negative about it and so now you’re like okay my relationships are kind of changing and

[00:18:47] so that might progress into maybe stage 2 or stage 3 where you’re noticing like okay I think people aren’t wanting

[00:18:53] to hang out with me as much because I’m constantly in my own head so I’m not actually present I’m there what does

[00:19:00] that mean to be in your own head hmm well I think a part of his do people know what you’re thinking do people know

[00:19:07] what you’re thinking wherever you’re at do people actually know what you’re thinking so when you say you say you’re

[00:19:13] not present or what does that look like the person’s in their own head versus

[00:19:19] they’re talking engaging with other people they’re not engaging as much what’s going on there it could be it can definitely be

[00:19:25] sometimes because when you are when your mind is split and you’re thinking about something else but you’re having to talk about something else that can really

[00:19:32] cause somebody to not be as engaged because you’re just your mind is split at the same time a part of it is they’re

[00:19:39] not able to share openly about exactly what they’re going through and so there may be talking about more superficial

[00:19:45] things you might I think a lot of people sometimes are surprised like wow I didn’t know that they were going through anxiety I didn’t know that they had

[00:19:51] those thoughts they may not be wanting to talk about it and so that really impacts the relationships cuz then you

[00:19:56] might start to think well they don’t want to know about it and they don’t really care and so actually I should keep it to myself because then I’m gonna

[00:20:03] be a burden to somebody else and you can already hear how this can turn into a cycle and just really pulls people down

[00:20:09] because they’re they’re having this argument in their head and they’re they’re kind of pulling away from other people yes yeah okay yeah I’ve heard

[00:20:16] this discussed in the in the literature when I was reading up on this look the popular or the secular literature is

[00:20:23] calling it mindfulness have you heard that for yes yeah so my understanding and correct me here but mindfulness is

[00:20:30] the ability to be present in the conversation and somebody who’s suffering with a lot of anxiety typically is not present yes yeah

[00:20:37] absolutely I mean it’s a it’s a treatment process tied with cognitive

[00:20:43] behavioral therapy where it’s really working with your mind and how to be

[00:20:48] present in the moment so they do lots of like grounding techniques and Counting and deep breathing and allowing people

[00:20:55] to really be present here in the moment because so many people do struggle with it so you’re trying to counter not being

[00:21:01] present with specific techniques from mindfulness so is is not being

[00:21:07] is that a symptom of anxiety or is that what causes anxiety meaning is it is it

[00:21:13] result or is it yeah I would say it could be both okay it can be both

[00:21:18] because I think once you start to have anxious thoughts it pulls you to want to

[00:21:24] pull away from people because it’s a wound that you have and so maybe you’re not ready to deal with it and so you

[00:21:30] pull away but then you continue to pull away to the point where you’re you’re like I don’t I don’t have anybody around

[00:21:36] me who really knows who I am and what I’m going through and so I definitely think it can start that way too other times maybe it’s an

[00:21:43] incident like um like a death in the family and you’re experiencing

[00:21:48] loneliness and because you experience lonely because somebody’s gone which is totally normal not talking about it and

[00:21:54] then it really snowballs into feeling more anxious like maybe you feel like everybody’s gonna leave you hmm

[00:22:00] so I think it can be different things that really can start and you start having catastrophic thoughts you start

[00:22:06] having these thoughts that are like blowing things way out of proportion and so forth which just generates more mhm

[00:22:11] and I think a part of that is just noticing you’re thinking think about your thinking in general what kind of

[00:22:16] thinking do you have do you notice patterns and that’s something that we talk about with our clients a lot and I got that from dr. Hayden and she really

[00:22:24] stresses that what are the patterns that you’re noticing and you’re thinking are you worrying a lot in general cuz I

[00:22:29] think sometimes people dated err like no I don’t worry and then they think okay all day I really didn’t worry about that

[00:22:34] so yeah absolutely okay so my guest today is dr. Esther Yee and I think this is a really important

[00:22:41] conversation we’re happening having about anxiety like I was saying before around 40 million adults in America

[00:22:47] about one in five are suffering some from some sort of anxiety disorder and so this is an issue that maybe you don’t

[00:22:55] personally deal with it but the chances are that somebody around you does and so it’s worth taking the time to study this

[00:23:02] because it has a huge impact on the quality of living that you can experience and you know Jesus Christ

[00:23:08] said I’ve come that they might have life and have it to the fool that’s John 10:10 and the reality is is that we want

[00:23:13] that life with Christ and part of that is changing the way we think Romans 12:2 says be transformed by the renewing of

[00:23:19] your mind and so what a lot of what has to happen here is we have to change the way we think and that we think biblically and

[00:23:26] we think in a way that that is healthy so stay with us we’re going to be right back [Music]

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[00:24:17] thanks for listening today this is educate for life I’m your host Kevin Conover and you can check out my website

[00:24:22] you can go to our YouTube channel our Facebook page we’re actually streaming live if you’re out there we’re saying hi

[00:24:28] here and hope that you’re enjoying the program so far I think it’s a great conversation we’re happening having

[00:24:34] right here about anxiety and what seems to be an increase in in anxiety it’s not just that people are more aware of

[00:24:40] anxiety it’s that actually it does seem that our culture today is becoming more

[00:24:46] anxious but anxiety is not a new thing this is a quote this is Robert Burton

[00:24:51] all the way back in 1621 in a description about anxiety it’s called

[00:24:57] the anatomy of melancholy and it says here he dare not common to company for

[00:25:04] fear he should be misused disgraced over shooting himself in guess traceur speech speeches or be sick

[00:25:11] he thinks everyman observe ahthe him and I thought that was a pretty amazing description that all the way back then

[00:25:18] and really all the way back into the Bible to write it addresses these issues and so that this is not something that’s

[00:25:25] new it’s ongoing that the human mind tends to have a lot of worry yeah and

[00:25:31] and so what we want to do is help young

[00:25:36] people to I’ve heard recently that Millennials what I was reading up on is that several studies have said that

[00:25:42] Millennials are actually the most anxious generation so far can you speak

[00:25:47] to that in young people how is anxiety impacting young people well I think the world has changed and so people are

[00:25:54] becoming more anxious about the things that they’re going through for instance like maybe the cost of education it

[00:25:59] continues to be on the rise and so you start to think okay I got to go to college but when I finish how am I going to pay for all this debt that I have and

[00:26:06] am I gonna get a job right out of college and I think there are very real concerns to have yeah and so people are

[00:26:11] experiencing anxiety too I mean I think people are wondering when should I get

[00:26:16] married should I get married should I have kids and so even relational issues that are causing anxiety and they may

[00:26:22] not know exactly how to deal with these things yeah and in in your mind is there

[00:26:27] any changes that are taking place from like you know I graduated from high school in

[00:26:32] 1994 and then I look at the the generations in the past do you think

[00:26:39] that there is an increase in anxiety because of family dynamic changes or is

[00:26:46] it technology changes or is it just all that stuff together I would say all of it together I mean think about how much

[00:26:52] people are and kids are presenting themselves online and the thought of

[00:26:57] well I need to have my hair done and I need to look right and I need to wear the right outfit and what am I going to

[00:27:03] put at the very bottom of the post and and how I present you know what I’m doing right now is it cool enough and

[00:27:08] and if I don’t do that and I don’t get maybe I only get 10 likes versus I was really aiming for 50 and so then you

[00:27:14] might start to feel anxious like okay well what do people think about me what’s what’s wrong with me you know yeah did I wear something funny am I not

[00:27:23] cool enough am I not likable and so you’re presenting yourself to other adolescents and other kids and their

[00:27:29] brains are not fully formed and sometimes people are not always kind online and I think that can really

[00:27:35] impact somebody’s self-esteem and self-worth yeah and so that can even spiral into growing growing greater

[00:27:40] anxiety hmm so it’s interesting that with social media you know and there’s

[00:27:47] all this it’s almost like you’ve expanded the playground into this massive arena right where and I know a

[00:27:53] lot for a lot of my students they’re on 24/7 they’re on this social media they’re constantly posting commenting

[00:27:58] doing all that sort of stuff now almost as if they can’t get off it they’re like I’ve got to do this I’ve got to do this

[00:28:04] I’ve got to respond to this person and so I can see how that would definitely increase anxiety so is there a link

[00:28:11] between anxiety and depression yes yeah often times we see them existing

[00:28:17] together so we call that comorbid so what what how would you describe the difference between anxiety and

[00:28:23] depression and why why is there a connection I would say for those that

[00:28:29] have seen the movie inside out and I think it’s really popular and I use the example of sadness now I know that she

[00:28:35] may not be the spokesperson for depression but I think she gives a good example of how sadness can really impact

[00:28:41] people’s thinking in the way that she’s able to function and just even how she carries herself that I would say looks more like

[00:28:48] depression anxiety is more of worries and so I don’t know if that kind of

[00:28:54] differentiates yeah but I think they can be definitely tied together though because if you’re thinking about how worried you are and then you’re also

[00:29:00] feeling sad you’re not gonna want to be around people and so this really creates this tornado effect almost when the two

[00:29:08] are combined together now one can also almost I don’t know if I I don’t know if

[00:29:14] I would say cause but it can be linked towards the other and so even let’s say

[00:29:19] you are experiencing a family issue and genetics you might say okay well my

[00:29:25] family has a history of depression so okay you may be feeling more depressed

[00:29:31] or more likely to feel depressed versus somebody else but then you might have something like you’re a millennial and

[00:29:37] due to your age your schooling maybe your social economic status you might be

[00:29:43] more prone to anxiety and so that could be something that’s tied together there too so I would say it’s different for

[00:29:49] each person and what they’re going through but definitely we’ve seen a correlation between the two okay and then you know there’s been this popular

[00:29:55] idea for a long time and I think it’s it’s falling out of popularity I was

[00:30:02] reading several articles on this people have said hell you have a chemical imbalance in your brain and I’ve been

[00:30:08] reading articles now and they’re saying there was a lot of faulty thinking in this idea of chemical imbalance in the

[00:30:13] brain and so there seems to be this controversy over this right now can you speak to that at all

[00:30:18] yeah I will say for those that are struggling with mental health your brain does look different now in the past people used to think okay the brain that

[00:30:25] you’re giving that’s it that’s it and your brain can’t heal but now we know your brain can heal so it can heal over

[00:30:31] time with getting treatment and healthy relationships and so with your brain I

[00:30:37] would say yes your brain does look different but there’s hope it doesn’t have to stay that way it’s not a

[00:30:42] foregone conclusion that that’s the way it is no yeah and it used to be that’s what people used to think and I think we’re still learning so much about the

[00:30:48] brain I recently heard somebody say you know what we know about the brain now 10 years later it’s gonna be drastically

[00:30:54] different so we’re getting there yeah process and so you want somebody to go because this is what

[00:30:59] the article I was reading said well what’s happened in the past is people have thought well there’s pretty much no hope because this is the way my brain is

[00:31:07] I have a chemical imbalance I’ve got to take drugs if I don’t take drugs you know it’s basically there’s there’s no

[00:31:14] other solution but we are saying that over time with a change in the way you think changing your relationships you can actually produce that long-term

[00:31:21] change that’s healthy yeah absolutely why else would people go to therapy yeah there’s hope there exactly there’s hope

[00:31:27] there and we want people to know that and I think a part of depression is hopelessness and it’s hard because you

[00:31:35] want to stay stuck but a part of it is you got to learn how to pull yourself out of that and sometimes you need help

[00:31:40] to do that mm-hmm it can be like sinking sand and it is so hard to pull yourself out of that by yourself so you’re not

[00:31:47] meant to walk this journey alone yeah so reach out yeah and then I would say for people who are hanging out with those

[00:31:53] that you might think that they have depression reach out to them to I think it’s a two-way street okay so we got to help each other yeah

[00:31:59] you know and that that brings it back I was also reading another article recently and one of the studies actually

[00:32:06] said that the number one social activity

[00:32:11] that is correlated with long-term happiness was attending church or

[00:32:17] attending religious services and I thought you know that that really speaks to the Word of God in Hebrews chapter 10

[00:32:25] verse 25 it says let us not neglect meeting together as some have made a habit but let us encourage one another

[00:32:30] and all the more as you see the Day approaching and when you’re dealing with a client or you’re talking to somebody

[00:32:36] who’s dealing with anxiety or depression is part of that process I mean I know

[00:32:43] you’re trying to change the way they’re thinking are you encouraging them as far as getting out there and making friends

[00:32:48] and these sorts of things or how does that work yeah absolutely social support is huge it’s not enough to just change

[00:32:53] that one person but to realize that people it’s a domino effect yeah you impact others and so we are encouraging

[00:32:59] to create healthy relationships not the number of friends so I’m not giving you no or encouraging people to say okay

[00:33:06] well you need to meet 10 people or 50 people and and have that somehow boost your self esteem

[00:33:12] you have that many friends but it’s more of teaching them well how do we have quality relationships how do we have

[00:33:17] quality conversations about things that are more than just the weather even though there may be a place for that and

[00:33:22] so recognizing that there’s different types of relationships that people can have all the way from more superficial

[00:33:28] types like when you meet somebody at the grocery store and I hope you’re not pouring your whole heart out versus

[00:33:33] maybe your spouse where you have that deep connection or a or a friend or a family member that’s there there’s a

[00:33:38] place for all those types of relationships so we’re saying you need all of them but really focusing on well

[00:33:44] how do we have a deep meaningful relationships yeah and I you know when we come back I want to talk about that

[00:33:50] is you know what about the person that’s struggling and they’re and they’re thinking of themself hey I’d love to

[00:33:55] have deep meaningful relationships but I can’t seem to connect with anybody on that level and every time I feel like

[00:34:01] I’m getting closer to having a relationship the relationship falls apart or the person pulls away and what

[00:34:07] am I doing wrong where I’m not actually having these deep relationships that I crave and so when we come back my guest

[00:34:14] today is dr. Esther ye and rhombic counseling comm rhombuses rh OMB u.s.

[00:34:20] counseling comm and it’s a Christian Counseling Center and with a biblical

[00:34:25] worldview but with licensed professionals there so that’s a great great place to get help you can also

[00:34:32] register for the free family conference at go rhombus com that’s May 4th 9:00 to

[00:34:38] 12:30 p.m. at Maple View Church in Lakeside and lunch is included I’ve never heard of a conference where you

[00:34:44] get a free lunch so that’s incredible right there child care is provided for those two and under and there’s going to

[00:34:51] be all kinds of breakout sessions that are meant to help you as an individual and also to help your family so I hope

[00:34:57] you can make it out it’s going to be a really great time invite everybody you know to come out and really be blessed and to grow in their relationships stay

[00:35:05] with us we have one more segment we’re going to be right string [Music]

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[00:35:53] thanks for listening today this is educate for life I’m your host Kevin Conover and if you would like to look at

[00:35:58] previous shows that I’ve had I’ve interviewed scientists from all over the world cosmologists I’ve interviewed all

[00:36:05] kinds of professionals that are talking about their experience with Jesus Christ and how he has impacted their life and

[00:36:12] then also often used them to impact the lives of those around them and so we’ve

[00:36:17] got over a hundred interviews now with people from all over the world in all areas of life whether it’s

[00:36:23] paleontologists psychologists you know let’s see what else cosmologists

[00:36:31] creationists everything you can imagine theologians all kinds of stuff out there you can check it out on our Facebook

[00:36:37] page our YouTube page and then my website educate for life org my guest today is dr. Esther Yee and we’re

[00:36:43] talking about anxiety and depression and also the family conference that’s coming up on May 4th there was a study done

[00:36:49] published in the journal of psychiatry in 2017 and involved one hundred forty

[00:36:56] seven thousand two hundred and sixty one adults from 26 countries and their conclusion was this that general anxiety

[00:37:04] disorder is especially common and impairing in high-income countries

[00:37:09] despite a negative association between generalized anxiety disorder and

[00:37:14] socioeconomic status within countries in other words within each country anxiety

[00:37:20] disorder is more prevalent in less wealthy regions however as a whole it is

[00:37:26] the residents of well for your countries who are more likely to experience anxiety disorder and their

[00:37:32] lives are more significantly impacted by it I thought that was really really interesting essentially what they’re

[00:37:38] saying there is that countries that have a lot of money have a lot more anxiety

[00:37:44] the more money you have the less anxiety you have but if you’re in a wealthy

[00:37:50] country you generally have more anxiety than low-income countries and do you

[00:37:57] have any thoughts about that I know that’s kind of out of the blue here but do you have any thoughts about why that might be yeah I think it has to do with

[00:38:03] money I think it’s a material thing I think more people are concerned about what they have been investing in

[00:38:10] connecting with their relationships for the countries that maybe they don’t have as much they’re probably not concerned

[00:38:16] with that you know they’re probably more concerned with food to put on the table right and so I think people are

[00:38:22] surprised by that oh if we have so much money we should have less things to worry about but we’re noticing more money more

[00:38:28] problems yeah isn’t that the truth yeah again I referencing that Harvard study they said that Millennials said that the

[00:38:37] top two things that they were looking for out of life were money and fame and

[00:38:42] yet what they found from the study is that the number one cause of happiness was those strong social relationships

[00:38:49] and that kind of brings us back to the question we asked before the break which is what about the person what do you say

[00:38:55] to the person who’s really struggling to have those relationships how do you encourage them I would say start with

[00:39:01] yourself first I know that that’s not the easiest thing or what people typically want to hear but I would say start with yourself first and really

[00:39:07] dive deep into well what’s really going on with you and seek out help you know

[00:39:12] seek out help from a professional seek out help from somebody you look at their life and you’re like man I want to live my life like that hopefully it’s healthy

[00:39:19] because oftentimes I’ll say when somebody’s going through something and they’re unhealthy they also attract

[00:39:25] those that are unhealthy those are the types of relationships that they may think is healthy but they’re not because

[00:39:30] they’re lenses what they’re looking through is unhealthy so I’d say work on yourself first healthy attracts healthy

[00:39:36] for the most part and so I would say work on yourself and then you’ll be able to build those healthy relationships you be able to learn what you’re looking for

[00:39:43] of how to have a healthy relationship that’s very interesting so and when you say work on yourself is this you know

[00:39:50] primarily through counseling or what could they do you know some people go oh man I can’t afford counseling I it’s so

[00:39:56] expensive you know for an hour it’s whatever 100 hundred and ten bucks often any advice to somebody who says me and I

[00:40:03] just don’t have the finances spend on that yeah you know actually there’s a lot of places that provide counseling at

[00:40:08] reasonable cost so even at our agency we provide you know I would say like 30 bucks usually is there typically or

[00:40:15] Louis and that’s provided through interns but they’re supervised by licensed professionals so I would say

[00:40:20] you know it’s it is costly it really is honestly and I think some people think oh I need to go to

[00:40:26] counseling every single week or every other day you don’t necessarily have to I would say talk to the person that

[00:40:31] you’re receiving help from maybe it’s every other week and so it’s not as costly as doing it every single you know

[00:40:36] week and meeting somebody that’s licensed maybe you’ll get there but for now I’d say start with somebody where you can just talk about some of the

[00:40:43] things that you’re going through okay and then you know you were emphasizing last segment quality over quantity what

[00:40:50] is an appropriate amount of friends to have where you you can actually have quality and what is a quality

[00:40:55] relationship look like I’m cautious to say a number because I don’t want people

[00:41:00] to think oh if I have that numbers that I have really good good luck yeah and so I wanted to have me stay away from that

[00:41:06] but more of you know I would say quality relationships are types of relationships where you can be honest and authentic

[00:41:13] with who you are when you look at your friends do they really know who you are do they know what you’re struggling do

[00:41:18] they know what you like and I think that’s a learning and growing process you won’t know everything about

[00:41:24] everybody or everything about that one person and that’s okay so don’t expect to think oh if I don’t know every single

[00:41:30] little thing about that person that doesn’t mean I have a quality relationship with them I think that can grow over time and so I would say well

[00:41:38] one way to know if you to want to start with having quality relationships I just say I say test it throw out a little bit

[00:41:45] about yourself and then see how somebody responds if they respond really poorly maybe that person isn’t a right fit for

[00:41:51] you to have a good relationships with because let’s be honest not everybody healthy and so you want to make sure that you’re not investing in somebody

[00:41:58] that could potentially not be a healthy relationship for you so throw out a

[00:42:03] little bit and then see how they respond if they respond well they’re supportive and loving and couraging then keep

[00:42:09] investing in that relationships and for those that you’re like oh they don’t seem as healthy you can just place a

[00:42:14] very firm but healthy boundary there and say okay you know what they’re an acquaintance but I’m not gonna share my deepest darkest secrets with them

[00:42:21] because maybe you don’t want them to be that close to you and that’s okay that’s fantastic so one of the signs of a

[00:42:28] quality relationship is the amount of yourself that you can share with them the amount of trust you can have with

[00:42:34] them okay and then my other question was what about the person that feels like

[00:42:41] okay and you kind of answered this already but they’re going around and they don’t feel like people are

[00:42:47] reciprocating and they’re going okay well I’ve poured a lot out let’s say the person is trustworthy they respond well

[00:42:53] but they feel like there’s there’s not a 50/50 in the relationship they feel like it’s kind of really one-sided what do

[00:42:58] you tell a person who’s you know in this relationship and they’re going man I I just am NOT getting the same love back

[00:43:05] yeah in the relationship yeah and I think that’s really hard and that can in itself be lonely I would say talk about

[00:43:10] it talk about it to the person that you’re conspiracy’ not with and just say hey I feel like I’m pouring a lot of

[00:43:16] myself into this relationship and I’m not like I don’t really know what’s going on with you can you share a little bit more like where are we in our

[00:43:22] friendship and I think sometimes people shy away from being uncomfortable but all relationships in order for them to

[00:43:27] be quality relationships it takes growing pains which means having uncomfortable conversations and sit in

[00:43:34] it talk about it and you know what it will pass it will pass and so I think that’s an encouragement for those that

[00:43:39] are maybe struggling with their quality relationships it will pass don’t make fast decisions based on your current

[00:43:45] circumstance but think future terms long term and really pour into those that you’re like wow they really are at

[00:43:51] loving and trustworthy sometimes people fail and that’s okay so I would say be patient and be gracious that’s great

[00:43:57] advice well my guest today was dr. Esther Yee and she is with rhombus rhombus counseling comm it’s a great

[00:44:04] place to check out if you’re looking for help or you’re looking for like she said somebody to even an intern if you don’t have a lot

[00:44:10] of money you can get that counseling and they have professional counselors on their website that you can refer to go

[00:44:16] rhombus comm is where you can rep you can register for the free family conference that’s coming up it’s at maple – maple View Church and lakeside

[00:44:23] and like we said it’s free lunch is free and childcare is provided for free for

[00:44:29] those two and under and a maple view Church is being a blessing and and sponsoring this the main topic of the

[00:44:36] conference is going to be battling loneliness which if you’ve been listening to a program you know is a

[00:44:41] killer loneliness is not something that that you want to just keep on in your life God meant for us to come together

[00:44:48] and to support one another and the the Word of God talks about this over and over again in Philippians 4 chapter 4

[00:44:55] verse 7 it says and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through

[00:45:01] Christ Jesus and the conference the family conference is all from a biblical worldview these are all people who love

[00:45:07] Jesus and are all speaking from a biblical perspective Hebrews 10th

[00:45:13] proverbs 17:22 I love this verse it says a cheerful heart is good medicine but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength

[00:45:20] and so we want to continue to push push into Christ and to into his word and

[00:45:26] into the counseling from people who know and understand how God designed our minds and our hearts so that we can

[00:45:33] learn from them and really come to understand ourselves better and others better so that we can be a blessing and

[00:45:38] the light God has called us to be so again dr. Lee thanks for being on the program today really appreciate it yeah

[00:45:45] thanks for having me absolutely and I look forward to being with you at the conference thanks for being here wave goodbye see you later and we’ll be

[00:45:52] back again actually not next week but the week after Happy Easter next weeks Easter I hope you have a fantastic time

[00:45:59] celebrating the resurrection of Christ and all he did for us and God bless you

[00:46:04] and stay in touch on my website at feedback comments I’d love to have that stuff so look forward to hearing from

[00:46:09] you take care did you miss part of today’s program don’t worry work hon mitad to

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